It seems to happen more than I would like to see it.....couples you meet, become really close friends with , then later they split their relationship. I understand it is tough for them, but it is also tough for the friends. We have all had one or more failed relationships. We have all had a part in the failing on some level. So we all understand and tend to bring some of our own experience to the discussion with the friends that are splitting their relationship. Sometimes everything is mature and everyone conducts themselves in an adult manner. Typically this can only happen if the two of them are realistic and communicate about the differences. All to often though, one or both do not communicate properly, have unrealistic expectations, no trust or a plethora of other negative emotions and thoughts that go on with a failed relationship. So since someone has to go first they tend to jump into something else. Something that in the back of their mind, they know will be a "deal breaker" for the other. Is this the best way, probably not. It does seem to be very common though.
The something else can so often be another relationship. Which makes it seem like people are like monkeys. Monkeys don't let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on the next......fyi. Having said that, is it really the best thing to do? i.e. Start a relationship with feelings for someone new, excitement and fun, while on the back burner is the grief and heartache from the last or current relationship? Wow, sounds like work, but so many choose to do it. I think it would be better to find a different avenue for outlet. Maybe retail, wind or alcohol therapy.....lol The thing that worked best for me was a 10 day vacation to Mexico.......all by MYSELF......lol I had time to have fun, walk the beaches, drink some alcohol and sit and think about all of it. My contribution, hers and third party contributors. At the end of my 10 days I was still grieving my failed relationship, but it was in perspective for me. With my manageable pieces I could now be aware of how it may affect me in the future. It was a blessing.
When couples split they seem to want support from their friends, rightly so. This throws people into that "choosing sides" mode. While not fair to either the splitter or the friend, it again is common amongst those that were friends before one of them entered a relationship. When the ones splitting were met as a couple in the beginning, this becomes tedious. You want to support them because you want them to be happy. You've seen them happy together and now you have to support them separately. It creates quite a situation for the friend. You listen to both sides, you try to be supportive and provide perspective from the outside that is somewhat neutral. How do you do that? If you support one and their actions, is that really going to support the other? I think the best way is to be clear with your support. What happens if you follow your instincts. One of them is telling you all the details, clear down to their own contribution to the negative. The other is very vague about their part and playing the victim role. The victim also has done some prepartory actions before asking for the split......who do you believe? I personally know who I believe. Usually, the person that is not afraid of the truth is the one telling it.
So in closing, the best advice I can give is to just be supportive to the point that you feel comfortable doing so. You are the one that has to live with that decision and that's all that you really have in these situations. Don't be afraid that you will lose a friend if you don't choose a side. Just be you and follow your head and your heart for your friends.
Michael McConnell via Blackberry
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