Past, Present & Future

Which one are you in?  Everyone is in one or more of them and depending on where you are seems to be what affects the rest of them........

Past - If you're stuck in the past dwelling on what has happened to you or because of you.  When we live in the past even for a little bit, we can't enjoy the present.  We worry about the future that ultimately becomes the present even for a short time.  We by nature think that the future can be predicted by the past.  Constantly waiting for it to happen the same way it did before.  Is learning from the past mean we must dwell on it?  Or does learning from it mean we take time to take a genuine look at it, find the lesson in it and let it go? Thinking that a man or a woman did something to hurt you means that every one in the future will do the same thing is ridiculous.  Everyone is different although there are similar actions.  What does it mean?  Maybe we should evaluate each happening, and all of its evidence and see what each means, instead of prejudging a situation and assuming we are correct.  People judge things that they don't understand or don't want to understand by a standard that they have without any information.  How is that realistic?  We've all been judged, most of us by someone that had no idea what we were going through and they didn't even care to find out.  So is it real or worth our time to have reasl concern for it? Or they thought they could ask their friends for help on understanding something about someone they have never even met let alone had a conversation with about the past happening that they are judging.  Yet each one of those individuals would be infuriated if they were unfairly judged for things in their past.  Sounds like a double standard to me.......what say you?  I believe the past is the past and none of us can change it except in the present.  The future isn't here yet, especially for things from the past.....

Future - The future is only something that we can plan for in the present.  When it gets here and our plan isn't working we can evaluate and adjust the plan. The future is fluid and can change shape as we go into it.  We can ask "what if" about the future but so many times that is a negative situation.  What if the worst happens......well what if nothing happens....then what.  The thing to do is to be aware as life comes at you and do your best to interact with it.  Some people plan and plan for the future and forget to live life to the fullest.  Then they retire from their career with an income and not even a gold watch and die shortly after.  Never enjoying what they planned for or the journey getting there for the prize at the end.  Life is short, too short to not live it to the fullest everyday and tell people the good you see and appreciate in them.

Present - The present is appropriately named.  If one can attain being present to the present, it becomes a gift of a healthy life.  You can enjoy what is happening and deal with it to the best of your ability.  The present becomes the past and the future becomse the present.  Being able to learn from the past and see the plan unfold all at the same time.  So many people get caught up in all of the past and future they will rob themselves of the present and all of its joy. 

Summary - Where are you?  Where do you want to be?  I want to be present to the present.  I want to enjoy the slightest nuanses of life right here and now.  You are welcome to do which ever you like, just remember it is your own happiness you are dealing with.  Good luck.

Motorcycle Riding Groups.....

I have observed 3 riding groups in the last 10 months. It seems that a group starts out of common interest in riding motorcycles. This is great because it brings people together doing something fun and exciting and free.

Riding, by nature is freedom. In each of these groups they have applied rules that take away from the freedom that is the very nature of the activity that brought them together. The levels of what is tolerable for rules seems to be grouped somewhat by the experience level of the riders. The hobby riders seem to need a. Lot of structure and rules while the most experienced riders just need a time and direction without a definite destination as it may change during the day.

What ultimately has happened in each of these groups is a smaller group branches off, fed up with the rules or totalitarian attitude of the "make-shift" leadership that doesn't really lead, but just barks opinions that are orders turning into new rules.....lol.

So in essense what it appears to be is that when a group breaks off because of over zealous rules, then forms their own group to do the same, they become what they left. Ironic. The only way to avoid it is to keep as many minds in play and decision making as possible. Increase the brain power of the group.
Michael McConnell

Danno does the "Donkey"

Well it happened! Danno stood up at the Boxing Donkey last night. He stood up several times at the Open Mic night at the Boxing Donkey. Danno was just as funny standing up as we all know he is.  He was amongst other amateur comedians, professionals and even a couple of singers. The Boxing Donkey will be host to Open Mic night on Mondays from 9-11. Check it out it is a good time!

Michael McConnell via Blackberry

Friends Ending Relationships

It seems to happen more than I would like to see it.....couples you meet, become really close friends with , then later they split their relationship. I understand it is tough for them, but it is also tough for the friends.  We have all had one or more failed relationships.  We have all had a part in the failing on some level.  So we all understand and tend to bring some of our own experience to the discussion with the friends that are splitting their relationship.  Sometimes everything is mature and everyone conducts themselves in an adult manner.  Typically this can only happen if the two of them are realistic and communicate about the differences.  All to often though, one or both do not communicate properly, have unrealistic expectations, no trust or a plethora of other negative emotions and thoughts that go on with a failed relationship.  So since someone has to go first they tend to jump into something else.  Something that in the back of their mind, they know will be a "deal breaker" for the other.  Is this the best way, probably not.  It does seem to be very common though. 

The something else can so often be another relationship.  Which makes it seem like people are like monkeys.  Monkeys don't let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on the next......fyi.  Having said that, is it really the best thing to do?  i.e. Start a relationship with feelings for someone new, excitement and fun, while on the back burner is the grief and heartache from the last or current relationship?  Wow, sounds like work, but so many choose to do it.  I think it would be better to find a different avenue for outlet.  Maybe retail, wind or alcohol therapy.....lol  The thing that worked best for me was a 10 day vacation to Mexico.......all by MYSELF......lol  I had time to have fun, walk the beaches, drink some alcohol and sit and think about all of it.  My contribution, hers and third party contributors.  At the end of my 10 days I was still grieving my failed relationship, but it was in perspective for me.  With my manageable pieces I could now be aware of how it may affect me in the future.  It was a blessing. 

When couples split they seem to want support from their friends, rightly so.  This throws people into that "choosing sides" mode.  While not fair to either the splitter or the friend, it again is common amongst those that were friends before one of them entered a relationship.  When the ones splitting were met as a couple in the beginning, this becomes tedious.  You want to support them because you want them to be happy.  You've seen them happy together and now you have to support them separately.  It creates quite a situation for the friend.  You listen to both sides, you try to be supportive and provide perspective from the outside that is somewhat neutral.  How do you do that?  If you support one and their actions, is that really going to support the other?  I think the best way is to be clear with your support.  What happens if you follow your instincts.  One of them is telling you all the details, clear down to their own contribution to the negative.  The other is very vague about their part and playing the victim role.  The victim also has done some prepartory actions before asking for the split......who do you believe?  I personally know who I believe.  Usually, the person that is not afraid of the truth is the one telling it. 

So in closing, the best advice I can give is to just be supportive to the point that you feel comfortable doing so.  You are the one that has to live with that decision and that's all that you really have in these situations.  Don't be afraid that you will lose a friend if you don't choose a side.  Just be you and follow your head and your heart for your friends. 

Michael McConnell via Blackberry

Perception..........

Perception is like a camera......The picture you get depends on the aperature, f-stop and speed of the film. If your aperature is not large enough then you will only see one small part of what there is to see. If your F-stop is too short then you may not get enough exposure and if it is too long you may get over exposed..... If your film is fast enough you may be able to stop motion, if not some things will appear blurring and you will discount them as pertinent.

Perception results are just like a photo in the sense that it seems to be forever for most. Right or wrong, perceptions are hard for people to change. If the action is simple or basic like a tree falling over then most will agree that the tree fell over. If is is more complex, not complicated, but complex like interactions between two or more people it can be more difficult to perceive what everyone's role is. Let's use Humpty Dumpty as an example, the story goes that he sat on a wall and one day he took a great fall.....right? What about his story that he was pushed..... We all perceive that he just either got lazy, fell asleep or wanted a little extra attention that day. What if his story is correct and we all perceive the wrong reason for the fall? Doesn't that make our perception wrong? Most of us will keep our initial perception as the correct one, as well as argue the point until we are exhausted.

Why can't perception change? Why can't most just see that the aperature was not open wide enough or the f-stop not allowing for a longer look? The possibility that we missed something and then judged a situation unfairly doesn't enter the minds of some really intelligent people at times. Is open mindedness so rare that we can't ever change our perception even when given the details of a bigger picture?

Filters effect the picture as well. Filters, like our past relationships with family and friends, romantic relationships and acquaintances. The happenings in them and the meanings we applied to them at the time. That is why it is so important to make sure that we are in the "present" with the details of a situation. To make sure our perception is based on what is happening right now. Not what happened last week or 20 years ago that was similar to this happening. Thus carrying our past into the present.

In summary, just take each day like a new one. Every happening like a new one. Take the largest picture possible and feeze the motion as much as necessary to look at all the pieces. Get opinions from others that you trust. Take what you can from those opinions but still form your own. Once that opinion is formed, still stay flexible enough to listen to new information as it arrives to you, and be willing to change your perception based on what impact new information may have.

Control......

What is it? We can have control of a material object, which is preferred. Control only seems to be a problem for me when it involves one adult person trying to control another adult person. Controlling their actions, whereabouts, activities..... Typically the person controlling is more insecure and immature than the person being controlled. Now I would have to assume that a certain percentage of the people being controlled want to be, another segment is controlled and just doesn't realize it and then there are the ones like me that absolutely won't tolerate it. Lol. I think people have free will for a reason. Control takes that away from a person through manipulation of some kind. Some are very good at it and subtle along the way. The key to not be controlled is to be aware of it and be mature enough to point it out. Do it gracefully though as not to hurt the controller. Remember they are already insecure about something and more immature than you......lol

Sleeping All Day.......

How is it that some people just stay up all night so they can sleep all day? I get doing it once in awhile, but everyday? Hmmm. Cracks me up though......