Now when I say this I don’t mean to imply that what they choose is what they want. Whether she is career oriented or family oriented, or somewhere in between she is choosing to be there. Sometimes, what she chooses is exactly what she wants. Sometimes, she even knows it. The problem seems to be when she doesn’t realize how her choices are either not getting her what she wants or even worse keeping her in a bad situation for all the wrong reasons.
Sure, sometimes the perfect love smacks you in the face and it’s undeniable. More often when you find couples that have been together for years, they will tell you a story about their life together that hasn’t always been rose petals. More often it is a story that has lead one or both of them to the edge of quitting. Through good communication, realistic expectations, understanding, compassion and the love and passion that brought them together with a splash of tenacity they have held it not only together but have grown together and increased that love for one another that is unbreakable. It’s like they have more love for each other out of the appreciation that he or she stayed to work together to become one. Hopefully without losing either individual, but most definitely operating together as one unit.
“The List Maker”-While having a plan is great, is it really the right plan for her? I see several women making a list, a great idea. Again, it works for some, but those it works for seem to take a flexible approach to their list. Not that they settle, but find the right fit through their own education and compromise. Which takes a willingness and desire to actually find and develop the perfect love life for them. Several however make a list. Then decide that compromise and settle are synonymous and they don’t do either. Usually it goes something like this…..
• From across the room –
- Well he seems to be confident, but he isn’t real good looking….-deal breaker
- I don’t like the way he dresses.- deal breaker
- He has nice shoes or not.
- His smile is cute, but he has a crooked tooth.
- He seems to like to laugh, but that knee slapping has to go.
- He doesn’t dance right.- deal breaker
I’m done and I haven’t even met him yet. So it’s like having an assembly line and she is quality control. Now while we all need standards, how do we know that Mr. Right hasn’t just walked by and was dismissed in seconds with the list? I have a dear friend that has dismissed more men than I can count with her list. The whole time being depressed because she can’t find Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now. In various talks we’ve had she doesn’t see how she discounts the guys that are viable or how she chases off the guys that she does have an interest in because she refuses to flirt a little. She usually sees a guy across the room that meets the one or two items on the list and then at the first item that he doesn’t meet, it’s “next!”. Then when some guy meets the list to the point of introduction then she sets back and waits for him to pursue without any encouragement or acknowledgement unless he is making all of the right moves. Thus choosing how that meeting is going to not fulfill what she says she wants. It’s frustrating to watch, I can’t imagine being in the middle of it. Lol So I would have to say that being rigid to any list is a choice to be alone, because at any point in time you can discount someone for anything, no one is picture perfect.
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