Andersen Consulting Efficiencies-Joke

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that
the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed
a little strange. When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also
had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the
staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I
asked, "Why the spoon?"

"Well, he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting
to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they
concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop
frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel
are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save
15 man- hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it
with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen,
instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of
the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the
same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter
"Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so
observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in
the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull
it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening
the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the
spoon."

-Unknown