When a relationship, any level of relationship, friendship, family, casual dating or long term committed relationship I don't think it is enjoyed at all by the ones riding. Possibly by the ones driving but for now we'll leave that as an unknown.
The amusement park has a very defined path including the entrance. You know you are stepping onto a rollercoaster. You've been afforded the opportunity to watch it move through the ups and downs, twists and turns. So you really have a good idea on when things will happen. You may not know how things will feel when they happen, but you know when they are coming up. In the relationship rollercoaster though it's a bit opposite. You have no idea when there will be an up or a down. The are hard to predict. When they happen though they have more impact. The ups are more wonderful, the feeling of the down is almost always predictable by the rider. It will be negative whether you have it in perspective or not. What that means is if you are the type of person that is insecure or packing around that monkey on your back called "guilt" then it will be all about you the rider and you'll feel like crap. If you've done enough work on yourself to not blame yourself for the down then you still come away knowing that you couldn't accomplish want you truly want to, you couldn't reach the driver in their time of need to explain to them it doesn't have to be this way. They don't have to feel alone, hurt and afraid. They don't have to push the people away that love them just because they are upset. It seems to be most commonly done over and over (creating the rollercoaster) because it's familiar to them.
When you're done at the Amusement park you go home and life is good. When you leave the relationship it may or may not get better for the driver or the rider. Just because you take away the ignition doesn't mean the fire isn't burning. I think it's better to find the root cause and at least realize it so you are aware of it. The real question is how long do you wait for the driver to figure out that they are in control of the rollercoaster? Some wait for years, while others bail at the first sign of trouble. You can be patient and nurturing. Which is really hard to do in the face of an anger emotional driver. If they "get" it before they have pushed you completely away there's a chance for the relationship.
Now the questions..........
1. How long does a rider wait for the driver to get it?
2. How can the rider help the driver learn about themselves?
3, Will the driver ever understand the rider that is leaving? Without the rider telling them why?
Clearly, I don't have all or any of the answers. I have left the amusement park several times in my life. Usually shaking my head wishing the driver would have just gotten it in time.
Let me know what you think?
Respectfully submitted,
Michael McConnell
Sent from my iPhone
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