The Red Frog Bar - Colfax, CA

Anyone ever been? It's a cute little bar with a great view. The Place doesn't have a huge menu but the food is good.
Located just a couple miles down Highway 174 from the Colfax exit on I-80 it has a spectacular view of the canyon behind it. With the open air deck and bar you can come and relax at the end of your play or work day. The inside is quaint and air conditioned for those warmer days.

The staff is friendly but usually busy making sure everyone is getting their food and beverages. So if your in Colfax or anywhere near, stop by the Red Frog for a bit......

Conformity vs Acceptance

Has anyone ever really thought about what we teach as a society? Local or Global. We are taught to conform to rules at a very young age by our parents. Whom, I might add needed a license to drive a car but only a few moments alone in one to have a child. The only training any parent really gets is from their parents and so continues the cycle there are a select few that may get some training from high school, but there again, as long as they don't drop you and break you they get a passing grade. Lol. So a few will search out information to educate themselves on parenting, but only if they have the where with all to notice there is a problem that they can admit there is an issue they may have caused. Pretty rare in the grand scheme of things. Lol. So here lies the first problem. Your parents teach you what they know, even when they don't realize all of it. They also teach it whether it is good or bad. Having said all of that I believe that a parent does the best job that they know how to do.

Then we go to school with a bunch of other messed up kids. While they may seem normal, don't forget that their parents taught them what they know...... Which in most cases is conformity to the rules and the things that the parents don't like. Now, I'm not saying that there shouldn't be some conformity to rules of society. Rules that keep us from harming other people or even just violating their rights as a human on this planet. In school though, they have to CONFORM to the curriculum. There can be some deviation from the curriculum but not enough to overcome anything a parent has taught.

So what do we do to actually teach acceptance. Now you may already think we teach it. We do just a bit. We teach to accept race, genetic defects,etc. All things that no one had a choice in. What about accepting individualism? Like why is it such a shocker if someone has never been married? It seems to be less accepted than multiple marriages. Or what about never having kids. I couldn't imagine a life without mine, but some people actually plan to never have any. Or what about someone that dresses Provocative? Does that mean her or him is slutty? Why does it have to mean anything other than that's what they decided to wear that day and they felt good about it. Each of us has passed judgement on someone in our life based on what we see. Why? Because they don't conform to the image we think is acceptable. Acceptance, true acceptance is at a place of no judgement. If you don't have a vested interest in it and you find yourself judging it, then you don't have acceptance. How can we ever truly evolve as a society if we don't learn to accept individualism. How many more things could we have if we accepted someone's idea for an invention and encouraged them to work on it. Where would we be without the Da Vinci's, Franklin's and Wright's of the world? They only are known because they had a strong enough belief in what they thought to rise above conformity and go the extra mile. Since we can't really teach that, we must teach acceptance. Acceptance that we may not see the big picture. That someone does or wears something that they like. Ask yourself if you really understand what that person is doing or thinking before you judge their actions, and do you really need to? Wouldn't that energy be better spent working on your own life?

In closing I would just leave the thoughts about being more accepting to a person's individualism. It may prove to teach you something about your own.

Michael McConnell

Sent from my iPhone

Nice Guy Quest Part 3

So part 3 in the saga hits the blog. We have a new buzz phrase used by women on dating sites now "good hearted man". What the hell is that? Everyone has a good heart under the right circumstances. I'm sure if we could find someone close to any world conqueror they could tell us of a time or a moment that they showed mercy or some soft moment that would indicate that at that precise moment they had a good heart.
So is "good hearted man" synonymous with "nice guy". I think it might be. It seems that most also prefer a man that they perceive to be the man with the qualities they think they want no matter how false or genuine he may be. He may not even exist. So is the quest for a "good hearted man" another ploy to waste everyone's time? Not that this is the intent or even a conscious decision. However it doesn't seem to be very realistic as a target or goal for a relationship. If you're going to have something that is a prerequisite to meeting, maybe it should be real and measurable.
It would go something like "he is good hearted 20% of the time". I'll have coffee. If he is "90% of the time I'll go to third base" or if he's a jerk I'll marry him today. Lol.
Which all begs the real question I wanted to address tonight, "are jerks born or created in society?" maybe both. I believe that there is a little of both. But more are created then are born. The natural order of things is that a guy seems to have to be a jerk to get a woman to fall in love with him. Mind boggling to someone like me. So it doesn't really take that many times of having a woman tell you that she wants to be friends because she has pulled out her crystal ball and foreseen the only version of the future that can exist and knows how the whole thing is going to play out. Lol. Usually, this version leaves no room for communication and education of both individuals. A little closed minded I'd say but nonetheless it seems to be very common. So how many kicks to the curb does it take to make a jerk? Lol. Reminds me of the tootsie pop commercials from days gone by. So for you ladies, how many jerks have you created? How many of you finally grabbed a nice guy or a good hearted man? For the guys, how many of you have succumb to the pressures of dating and just not being seen and become a jerk. How many of you have held your ground and maintained who you are but still alone?

Michael McConnell

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Swabbies Sub-Culture

It just hit me while I was sitting at Swabbies on the river, that there really is a subculture at Swabbies. They're not a big group but they do exist. At least on Sunday's. You don't see these people anywhere else. And they are always doing the same thing no matter what band is playing or what type of music. Lol.

They are all having fun though as they consume their variety of libation choices. Devour their food options no matter how messy they may be.

Apparently, I am part of it as well. Having frequented the establishment enough to determine that this subculture exists. Lol

So if you're curious, hit Swabbies on the river on a Sunday afternoon and see for yourself.

Respectfully submitted,

Michael McConnell

Sent from my iPhone

Rollercoaster Relationships

I think most would say they like rollercoasters at the amusement park. Going for the day or the weekend to enjoy the ups and downs, twists and turns of a gigantic rollercoaster.

When a relationship, any level of relationship, friendship, family, casual dating or long term committed relationship I don't think it is enjoyed at all by the ones riding. Possibly by the ones driving but for now we'll leave that as an unknown.

The amusement park has a very defined path including the entrance. You know you are stepping onto a rollercoaster. You've been afforded the opportunity to watch it move through the ups and downs, twists and turns. So you really have a good idea on when things will happen. You may not know how things will feel when they happen, but you know when they are coming up. In the relationship rollercoaster though it's a bit opposite. You have no idea when there will be an up or a down. The are hard to predict. When they happen though they have more impact. The ups are more wonderful, the feeling of the down is almost always predictable by the rider. It will be negative whether you have it in perspective or not. What that means is if you are the type of person that is insecure or packing around that monkey on your back called "guilt" then it will be all about you the rider and you'll feel like crap. If you've done enough work on yourself to not blame yourself for the down then you still come away knowing that you couldn't accomplish want you truly want to, you couldn't reach the driver in their time of need to explain to them it doesn't have to be this way. They don't have to feel alone, hurt and afraid. They don't have to push the people away that love them just because they are upset. It seems to be most commonly done over and over (creating the rollercoaster) because it's familiar to them.

When you're done at the Amusement park you go home and life is good. When you leave the relationship it may or may not get better for the driver or the rider. Just because you take away the ignition doesn't mean the fire isn't burning. I think it's better to find the root cause and at least realize it so you are aware of it. The real question is how long do you wait for the driver to figure out that they are in control of the rollercoaster? Some wait for years, while others bail at the first sign of trouble. You can be patient and nurturing. Which is really hard to do in the face of an anger emotional driver. If they "get" it before they have pushed you completely away there's a chance for the relationship.

Now the questions..........
1. How long does a rider wait for the driver to get it?
2. How can the rider help the driver learn about themselves?
3, Will the driver ever understand the rider that is leaving? Without the rider telling them why?

Clearly, I don't have all or any of the answers. I have left the amusement park several times in my life. Usually shaking my head wishing the driver would have just gotten it in time.

Let me know what you think?

Respectfully submitted,

Michael McConnell

Sent from my iPhone