Motorcycle Riding Groups.....

I have observed 3 riding groups in the last 10 months. It seems that a group starts out of common interest in riding motorcycles. This is great because it brings people together doing something fun and exciting and free.

Riding, by nature is freedom. In each of these groups they have applied rules that take away from the freedom that is the very nature of the activity that brought them together. The levels of what is tolerable for rules seems to be grouped somewhat by the experience level of the riders. The hobby riders seem to need a. Lot of structure and rules while the most experienced riders just need a time and direction without a definite destination as it may change during the day.

What ultimately has happened in each of these groups is a smaller group branches off, fed up with the rules or totalitarian attitude of the "make-shift" leadership that doesn't really lead, but just barks opinions that are orders turning into new rules.....lol.

So in essense what it appears to be is that when a group breaks off because of over zealous rules, then forms their own group to do the same, they become what they left. Ironic. The only way to avoid it is to keep as many minds in play and decision making as possible. Increase the brain power of the group.
Michael McConnell

Danno does the "Donkey"

Well it happened! Danno stood up at the Boxing Donkey last night. He stood up several times at the Open Mic night at the Boxing Donkey. Danno was just as funny standing up as we all know he is.  He was amongst other amateur comedians, professionals and even a couple of singers. The Boxing Donkey will be host to Open Mic night on Mondays from 9-11. Check it out it is a good time!

Michael McConnell via Blackberry

Friends Ending Relationships

It seems to happen more than I would like to see it.....couples you meet, become really close friends with , then later they split their relationship. I understand it is tough for them, but it is also tough for the friends.  We have all had one or more failed relationships.  We have all had a part in the failing on some level.  So we all understand and tend to bring some of our own experience to the discussion with the friends that are splitting their relationship.  Sometimes everything is mature and everyone conducts themselves in an adult manner.  Typically this can only happen if the two of them are realistic and communicate about the differences.  All to often though, one or both do not communicate properly, have unrealistic expectations, no trust or a plethora of other negative emotions and thoughts that go on with a failed relationship.  So since someone has to go first they tend to jump into something else.  Something that in the back of their mind, they know will be a "deal breaker" for the other.  Is this the best way, probably not.  It does seem to be very common though. 

The something else can so often be another relationship.  Which makes it seem like people are like monkeys.  Monkeys don't let go of one branch until they have a firm grasp on the next......fyi.  Having said that, is it really the best thing to do?  i.e. Start a relationship with feelings for someone new, excitement and fun, while on the back burner is the grief and heartache from the last or current relationship?  Wow, sounds like work, but so many choose to do it.  I think it would be better to find a different avenue for outlet.  Maybe retail, wind or alcohol therapy.....lol  The thing that worked best for me was a 10 day vacation to Mexico.......all by MYSELF......lol  I had time to have fun, walk the beaches, drink some alcohol and sit and think about all of it.  My contribution, hers and third party contributors.  At the end of my 10 days I was still grieving my failed relationship, but it was in perspective for me.  With my manageable pieces I could now be aware of how it may affect me in the future.  It was a blessing. 

When couples split they seem to want support from their friends, rightly so.  This throws people into that "choosing sides" mode.  While not fair to either the splitter or the friend, it again is common amongst those that were friends before one of them entered a relationship.  When the ones splitting were met as a couple in the beginning, this becomes tedious.  You want to support them because you want them to be happy.  You've seen them happy together and now you have to support them separately.  It creates quite a situation for the friend.  You listen to both sides, you try to be supportive and provide perspective from the outside that is somewhat neutral.  How do you do that?  If you support one and their actions, is that really going to support the other?  I think the best way is to be clear with your support.  What happens if you follow your instincts.  One of them is telling you all the details, clear down to their own contribution to the negative.  The other is very vague about their part and playing the victim role.  The victim also has done some prepartory actions before asking for the split......who do you believe?  I personally know who I believe.  Usually, the person that is not afraid of the truth is the one telling it. 

So in closing, the best advice I can give is to just be supportive to the point that you feel comfortable doing so.  You are the one that has to live with that decision and that's all that you really have in these situations.  Don't be afraid that you will lose a friend if you don't choose a side.  Just be you and follow your head and your heart for your friends. 

Michael McConnell via Blackberry

Perception..........

Perception is like a camera......The picture you get depends on the aperature, f-stop and speed of the film. If your aperature is not large enough then you will only see one small part of what there is to see. If your F-stop is too short then you may not get enough exposure and if it is too long you may get over exposed..... If your film is fast enough you may be able to stop motion, if not some things will appear blurring and you will discount them as pertinent.

Perception results are just like a photo in the sense that it seems to be forever for most. Right or wrong, perceptions are hard for people to change. If the action is simple or basic like a tree falling over then most will agree that the tree fell over. If is is more complex, not complicated, but complex like interactions between two or more people it can be more difficult to perceive what everyone's role is. Let's use Humpty Dumpty as an example, the story goes that he sat on a wall and one day he took a great fall.....right? What about his story that he was pushed..... We all perceive that he just either got lazy, fell asleep or wanted a little extra attention that day. What if his story is correct and we all perceive the wrong reason for the fall? Doesn't that make our perception wrong? Most of us will keep our initial perception as the correct one, as well as argue the point until we are exhausted.

Why can't perception change? Why can't most just see that the aperature was not open wide enough or the f-stop not allowing for a longer look? The possibility that we missed something and then judged a situation unfairly doesn't enter the minds of some really intelligent people at times. Is open mindedness so rare that we can't ever change our perception even when given the details of a bigger picture?

Filters effect the picture as well. Filters, like our past relationships with family and friends, romantic relationships and acquaintances. The happenings in them and the meanings we applied to them at the time. That is why it is so important to make sure that we are in the "present" with the details of a situation. To make sure our perception is based on what is happening right now. Not what happened last week or 20 years ago that was similar to this happening. Thus carrying our past into the present.

In summary, just take each day like a new one. Every happening like a new one. Take the largest picture possible and feeze the motion as much as necessary to look at all the pieces. Get opinions from others that you trust. Take what you can from those opinions but still form your own. Once that opinion is formed, still stay flexible enough to listen to new information as it arrives to you, and be willing to change your perception based on what impact new information may have.

Control......

What is it? We can have control of a material object, which is preferred. Control only seems to be a problem for me when it involves one adult person trying to control another adult person. Controlling their actions, whereabouts, activities..... Typically the person controlling is more insecure and immature than the person being controlled. Now I would have to assume that a certain percentage of the people being controlled want to be, another segment is controlled and just doesn't realize it and then there are the ones like me that absolutely won't tolerate it. Lol. I think people have free will for a reason. Control takes that away from a person through manipulation of some kind. Some are very good at it and subtle along the way. The key to not be controlled is to be aware of it and be mature enough to point it out. Do it gracefully though as not to hurt the controller. Remember they are already insecure about something and more immature than you......lol

Sleeping All Day.......

How is it that some people just stay up all night so they can sleep all day? I get doing it once in awhile, but everyday? Hmmm. Cracks me up though......

Movie Revues.....

The Last Airbender - A good story line with some nice action scenes.  The movie is pieced together pretty simple but does leave a little to the imagination.  Still somewhat predictable but all and all a good movie.  I think better in the theater then will be on dvd.  I only saw the 2d version as well. 

Knight and Day - A hilarious Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in a spy based, almost satire movie.  It was funny and somewhat serious.  Each scene flip flopping who the good guys really are.  A must see at some point, in the theater or at home on dvd.

Resolution Recipe

Ingredients needed:


2 parts Communication
2 parts Honesty
2 parts Understanding
2 parts Acceptance

To start, add in the Communication, one part at a time, never overlapping or interrupting, make sure that each part is paired with 1 part Honesty. Keep mixing until you can drop in your 2 parts of Understanding. Once this mixture is good and going it is said that both parties are in GOOD UNDERSTANDING of the situation. Now as you add the 2 parts Acceptance in there you should start to see some smiles. This is the completed Resolution. Now to test your Resolution for quality, the topic should only come up for discussion, not ever for the purpose of argument. To make your Resolution warm and fuzzy, add in a splash of Compassion while joining your 2 parts Communication. Or to make it something each person would want to do repeatedly, add in a pinch of Affection and verbal Appreciation


Good Luck and happy baking!!!!!

Motorcycles and flat tires.....

You know a flat tire on a motorcycle could be a real problem for most riders.  Not for my friend George.  This guy has had 3 flats on one motorcycle just this year.  I think he must have magnets in his tires.....although it isn't always metal punctures.  lol  I have told him that he needs to ride more, because typically tires seem to hold air better if they are going round and round......lmao.  He has been lucky that there has been a trailer available as well as friends to help.  So in reality it has just been a situation full of entertainment and I thank George for that.....or should I say "Sonny".  I also am waiting for George to find his throttle.......

Listening?

Do you really know what it is? We all think we do, I am sure. We all think that we are great listeners. Most of us believe we know the other person so well, that by the time they get the second or maybe eventhe third word out of their mouth, we know exactly what they are saying.Hmmmm. Sounds a little incorrect, you think? What does it mean to listen? I am pretty sure that the first step in listening would at least be to let the person,that you are suppose to be listening to, actually finish their sentence. This doesn't happen very often I am finding out.....less often if you have known the person for a long time. Secondly, you should make sure you understand exactly what the other person is saying or trying to say before you respond. Otherwise you are still making an assumption. So to make sure you are understanding "COMPLETELY", ask questions, repeat back to them what it is you heard. Then only when you are sure you understand what is being said to or asked of you,respond accordingly. Even when we listen, we may not be hearing. So the most important thing with good communication is being a good listener that hears as much as possible. With some luck, the person that you are communicating with, will feel "heard" and return the favor. Have any of you ever felt "unheard"? I know I have and it isn't any fun and definitely takes the wind right out of your sails for communication. The standard feeling is "why bother", they are going to do whatever regardless. So be the best listener you can be, so that even when the other person is not saying or presenting well, you can help identify what it is that they are trying to say and let them feel like they are communicating with someone that cares what they have to say and in turn will do the same for you.

Everyone's Guilty................

You know everyone is guilty until released from it! Not criminally guilty mind you, emotionally guilty. There are all types of guilt feelings that we all hang on to, most of them we don't even realize. Examples: A single parent because their children don't have both parents in the home. A child with an absent parent. An unfaithful significant other, etc and the list goes on. The point that I would like to make here today is that we all have some level of guilt for something we have done, not done or someone else has done or not done. The thing we each need to do is to figure out what it is, face it and deal with it and be done with it. It will greatly add to each of our own happiness if we can do that. Especially when the guilt you may carry is because of someone else's actions or inactions. Like a child blaming themselves, subconsciously of course, because one parent or the other isn't in their life at all. That isn't the child's fault, but yet the tendency is for them to blame themselves and assume that they did something wrong. An unfaithful person will pack guilt around for long after they have paid the consequences for their actions, even when it doesn't seem like it. So if we identify it, realize our part of it, deal with it, apologize for our part then it should be done. If we have been the victim, it shouldn't be our guilt to begin with, if we have been on the other side then we need to remember that forgiveness starts within!

Growth

Growth is not steady, forward, upward progression. It is instead a switchback trail; three steps forward, two back, one around the bushes, and a few simply standing, before another forward leap.



Dorothy Corkville Briggs

Plenty of Fish Dating Site - My thoughts.....

I have been asked a lot what I think of Plenty of Fish and the people on it.  I have to say that I have now been on and off of POF for a few years now.  I think it is just as good as any of the sites you have to pay money for.  They have some ads that you have to navigate around but there is good useful information they ask for on this site.  The only real limitation to internet dating is internet dating.  My theory-everyone has some level of "mask" when they meet new people.  Our "best behavior" so to speak.  Then we give everyone this venue called the "internet" to be whomever they wish to be...... Unfortunately, I think a lot of people do take advantage of that and when it comes down to the point of meeting they get scared and retreat.  The more honest of the group will actually want to meet you a little sooner than later.  Not too soon mind you......both parties need to be comfortable in meeting in person.  Don't forget to let someone know, what you know of a person before you go to meet them for the first time over something simple like coffee or a drink.  Just a good practice in today's world.

POF is definitely the right price and I bet you can't find anything cheaper....lol  Having said all of that, be safe, have fun and happy dating!

Relationships.......

Is it possible? Does it already exist for some? Maybe? I think it does and I think it can. I think it is simple, I think it is attainable. In this though, don't confuse simple with easy. If it was easy everyone would have it, then it wouldn't really be worth it somehow. It would seem like going to Walmart to save a few pennies on toothpaste or that spindle of DVD-R's.

In a small discussion about relationships this weekend it was stated by a very beautiful young lady "that I just want it to be like it is in the beginning". I believe it is possible to attain. Which could make me either the eternal optimist or a hopeless romantic, but the realist part of me has to put some parameters on it first before deciding which one of those I am.....

These are in no particular order:

1. Two people that are willing to communicate no matter what.
2. Realistic expectations of each other.
3. Acceptance on many levels.
4. Honesty, even if it hurts or feels dangerous. If you can't communicate honestly you have no trust.
5. A mutual desire to be together doing the things that you love to do.
6. A plan-When life gets busy, you need to schedule the quality time to be together to not lose the things that brought you together.
7. Stubborness to keep it all together. Even when you have a plan, you update it, modify it only when mutually discussed, and don't give up until it is completed.
8. Don't cause hurt because you got hurt.

These are just a few parameters. Unfortunately, when we get to those places in a relationship where we are feeling unimportant, we get hurt and fear stands in our way. We usually make the slightest action mean something so totally negative that we react out of hurt and fear and become hurtful with our words. Hurtful words are the ones that you can't take back. They are said and the damage is done and you have no more control of the situation. We have all done this at some point in our life. I would bet it hasn't served any of you any better than me. We still do it when we get to that area of hurt and fear that starts it for each and every one of us. The only way to make it stop is to be accepting, understanding, and experience the best side of Love, by giving it away! There will always be people that aren't getting it, some will never get it, just don't let them drag you down, no matter how hard they try.

If anyone needs another perspective, feel free to drop me an email. I will respond as soon as possible. I would only ask you to understnad that my perspective and ideas are like a buffet, take what you can consume and leave the rest. I won't get my feelings hurt or judge you. Good luck and take care of yourself and your families.