Triggers-
A trigger is something that was created years ago, usually in our childhood. They are a twofold problem. The first part is the actual trigger which is the current happening that "triggers" that same emotion (usually negative), left by some emotional tragedy from our early years of life. Which would explain why we have given it such a high level of importance to carry it through our whole life. the second part of a trigger is that, unfortunately, we regress to that age, emotionally, that we were when we first had the original traumatic happening. Which further complicates handling of the real issue. Clear as mud so far?
Here is an example of a trigger that I had and was able to resolve once it was realized well kind of.......
Once upon a time.....wait different story, sorry. When I was a boy getting into mischief my mother would send me to my room. That was the extent of her discipline, busting me. She would require me to stay there until my stepdad would get home. Now I am sure mom had no idea what I was creating for myself in this scenario. How could she anyway. It was the random thoughts and assumptions of a child, while having no real direction with how to handle situations and no what everything meant as that child how could another untrained human know what was going on? Rhetorical don't answer..... So back to the example. Once my stepdad arrived it was very basic. Usually involving a couple of swats with his belt and it was over and off I went to play or watch tv. Fast forward 25 years. I'm sitting in counseling realizing I have this buried resentment towards my mother. Which stems from these times that she wouldn't just deal with the discipline and move on. As that child, I had made it mean that because she didnt deal with me when I was in trouble or mad with me, she didn't love me. Wow right? So as I was realizing this in counseling I also found myself defending her. She did the very best that she knew how to do. So even after the realization and the defense I didn't realize how it was affecting me in other relationships. Especially romantic relationships. So not only did I let it affect my relationship with my mother for years, it was an underlying issue for romance. If a woman wouldn't talk with me about an issue she must not love me. Which that by itself can be a very detrimental part of getting to resolution. It was so much worse because I would uncontrollably act like a 7 year old boy. Clear down to the communication skills only with the vocabulary of a 30 something year old man. Not a good mix by themselves with a healthy person on the other side. Then take into consideration the other person and her triggers and you have a combination that's like a superball inside of an empty paint can on a paint mixer. Wow and we both lived to tell about that experience.
I have to wonder how many of us have ruined the perfect relationship with either our own triggers or theirs.
I am going to post this article in 3 parts. So look for the others as I post them.
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